she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
