So drunk its hurt
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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