watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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