It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
