the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
