This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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