Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
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