Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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