Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Randomize
