Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
