so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
