farters have to be the big spoon...
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
