Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
