The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
