Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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