you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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