I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
