VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
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