dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
