You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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