just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
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