Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
