He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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