It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I just want to make out with him forever
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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