is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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