When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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