guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
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