Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
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