He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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