i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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