im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
