Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
