I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
