So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
