After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
