Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
