I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
