just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
