check it out our google latitudes are spooning
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
