DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
