dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
