you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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