Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
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