Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
