you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
