Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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