Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
