before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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