Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
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