all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Randomize
