Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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