fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
