How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
