Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
