just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
