I must be too annoying 4 u.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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