God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
