Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
