You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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