i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
