do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Randomize