You just made me feel so damn special
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Randomize
