I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
