Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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