i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
