Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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