My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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