It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Randomize
