what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
