I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
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i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
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At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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