She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I don't think brook has ever known best
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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