The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Randomize
