I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
