I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
