I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
