he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
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