i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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