Sry I called you an 8
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
