The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
