Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
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