I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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