Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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