Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
