Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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