I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
