I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Randomize
