My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Randomize
