There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
