She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
